Our Melbourne Weekend (August 18)

Day One:

After an early start (3.30am rise – fuck that) we were at Christchurch airport for 4.30am … we parked for free on Peter Leeming Rd. (down there for dancing peeps) and we hit the Koru Lounge for coffee and a Danish (thanks Air NZ).

I watched the first few episodes of ‘Barry’ on the flight – new HBO show about a contract killer who gets into theatre acting in LA – funny shit.

We landed in Melbourne around 8am. Aussie time and made our way via public transport into the city.

Public transport is awesome in other cities because you get to see the weirdest people/shit on the trains/trams/buses - if you've read the LA trip blog you'll feel me!

These Chinese looking Mafia Boss types I particularly enjoyed L-O-L!!!

The Myki system is fucking awesome - $8.60 to travel into Melbourne CBD (we jumped off at Flinders St. Station - shown below) and you get to see some WICKED graffiti on route.

The Myki ticket itself costs an additional $6, but once you buy it - that's it, it's YO'S ... hold onto it FO LIFE!!!!

Dropped our bags off at the QT (so funky … well except for the freaky twins but not twins in their matching weird outfits at the entrance door) and headed off out.

After a quick coffee hit at Caffe e Torta (fucking delicious) we made our way via trains/trams/busses to Chadstone Shopping Centre.

It is a BEAST … there’s about 14 million shops in there and Cheryl was in heaven.

We spent a few hours in there for retail therapy (I got a new Nixon flat peak – I was happy) and when sufficiently spent – we retraced our route back to Melbourne CBD and went and checked into the QT proper.

Our room was on the 7th floor, had a view of the city below and was honestly one of the nicest rooms I’ve ever stayed in.

Herringbone floors, HUGE California King bed and exposed concrete ceilings/walls … I believe the official term is shit cool.

The bathroom walls slid away to turn the on-suite into an ‘in-suite’ – cool as fuck.

After a quick freshen up at the hotel we made our way out to Albion for a sesh of outdoor raceway go-karting.

Ace Karts (https://acekarts.com.au) is well worth a visit if you’re ever in Melbourne – arrive & drive - $30 for 15minutes and those mother fuckers top out at 75Kph.

Fun was had … I didn’t break the 40 second lap-time, but I came fucking close! I was happy with my efforts and Cheryl did very well too!

So arms aching and grin pretty wide on our dials – we made our way back into town, had some late night Korean BBQ at Seoul House (fucking nom nom NOM) on Russell Street and finished off with a few drinky poo’s watching AFL in bed.

Top TOP notch first day!

Day Two:

We hit Chinatown and some graff lane's at 7.30am to take some CW apparel pics in the rain – they turned out noice, real noice.

Made our way down to Flinders, grabbed a toastie and coffee on route at one of the MANY coffee shops and went to catch our Winery Tour Bus at St. Pauls for 8.45am.

After meeting Ian our guide (good Aussie bastard) we headed off out into the expanse of the Yarra Valley and hit not one, not two, not three … but four vineyards over the course of the day.

Vineyard One: The Farm https://thefarmyarravalley.com.au/

Vineyard Two: Rochford Winery https://www.rochfordwines.com.au/

Vineyard Three: Helen & Joey Estate https://helenandjoeyestate.com.au/the-lady-and-her-unicorn/

Vineyard Four: Hanrahan’s Winery https://hanrahan.com.au/

My favourite was the last – Hanrahan’s Winery because of Bev’s dog – a blue staffy called Otis who was fucking awesome. I would have taken Otis home, but he seemed pretty happy where he was.

Our tour guide (the good bastard Ian) stopped off at this residential area (Donvale) on route back after our last stop at the chocolate factory and I got to see a full mob of wild kangaroo’s (even Joey's).

That was bloody special & they did not give two flying fucks that we were there on their turf – they all stood defiant looking at us until we left – SOOOOOO cool!

We got back into town for around 6pm – there was a bit of footy traffic holding us up on route back, but we got to see plenty of the city as we slowly made our way back to the QT.

Up to the 7th floor, freshen up, back out & hit Wings of Glory for our evening meal consisting of fuck tonnes of wings and a bucket of blue cheese dip.

Pretty dam good (Cheryl’s wings are better though) and finished off with a trip to La La Land for a beer & after a quick stroll about the city at night – went to the QT Rooftop Bar for a glass of vino.

Now that is one cool bar – view to die for!

We brought the rest of our drink to the room once the bouncers called all patrons inside and went down and watched an episode of ‘An Idiot abroad’ (fitting) with Cheryl snoozing comfortably alongside me.


Day Three:

We went to the Queen Victoria markets in the morning for local fare – man they have these skinny lamb kebab thing’s for breakfast – I can’t remember what they’re called but fuck me – wowzers!

Bought some lollies from the most horrible cunt of a woman ever in the most beautiful looking sweet shop ever – the only rude FUCKTARD we encountered on the whole trip.

BBBUUUTTT we won’t let it detract from an otherwise perfect weekend away with me Bae!

And I gotta say - every other person we met in Aussie were great - friendly, helpful & just all round nice (that woman wasn't an Aussie BTW).

Spent the next hour strolling through the fruit and veg stands admiring the colours and cursing NZ customs for the fact we couldn’t bring home some of the delicious looking meats/cheeses.

We checked out of the QT around noon, dropped our bags with a very friendly host from Adelaide and headed out to Flemington to seek out the Australian Masterchef building – one of Cheryl’s all-time favourite shows.

We didn’t make it to the front door (security mother fuckers), but we did make it far enough to spot the Masterchef sign on that famous red brick and Cheryl was a happy camper – mission accomplished.

ANNNDDDD we randomly passed The Quiet Man – a pub where I ate six years previous when I visited my sister and I vividly remembered the food (I’m a fattie – I love my food).

So we went there for lunch and fuck me dead – the shit tasted even better this time ‘round.

I had the beef and Guinness pie – Cheryl the Sunday roast chicken with ALL the trimmings (and I mean ALL the trimmings) and it was fucking sensational … yum fucking yum!

So Christmas Day full we got the 26 or whatever stops back into Burke Street, collected our bags, traced our cheap as shit route back, spent far too much on liquor, fragrances and chocolate at the Duty Free and had a beer before we boarded our slightly more cramped Virgin Australia flight back home to ChCh.

Home for 1am, relieved our AWESOME baby sitters (Hannah and Ollie) and had a celebratory drink to mark the end of Cheryl’s AMAZING b’day weekend in the ‘Bourne.

If you’re going to Melbourne at any time soon – enjoy, it’s fucking awesome!

Wayne & Cheryl 2018


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